blackout
It is like a blackout that getting older. Last night you were still stinkbesoffen and happy at some party in a bar or just somewhere, then you are missing a couple of hours or years and you wake up and are now 30th
buzzing your head when you think of the lost time and you get a funny feeling in my stomach. It would be a lie to say alcohol had no role in the last 16 years played in my life but just as it would be a lie to say I would not cope without alcohol would be addicted oder ähnliches. Ich weiß, alle Süchtigen sagen sie sind nicht süchtig, trotzdem gab es in meinem Leben auch Wochen und Monate in denen ich sehr gut ausgekommen bin ohne voll zu sein, ich kann halt jederzeit damit aufhören, wenn ich will aber das will ich ja nicht.
Allerdings muss man sagen das ich gern betrunken bin, ich mag es zu zu sein, voll wie eine Strandhaubitze, mich wegzuballern, umzulatten, mir die Lichter auszuschießen, die Festplatte zu formatieren und mir derbe den Schädel abzureißen.
Vorspiel
Ich denke an mein erstes Mal. Nicht so etwas überbewertetes wie das erste mal Sex, der erste Kuss oder das erste Mal das ich einen Regenbogen have seen, no, I think of the first drunken.
I stand in the hallway of the apartment of my parents, I am 13 years old, I'm sober, I have only one drink a beer once or twice and it is about 45 minutes before my confirmation.
The suit looks cruel, I thought it a good idea to stand out, I had a lot of shit ideas, especially with 13th They all take a black suit, I am not so stupid not want to be a philistine, and certainly no honest candidate for confirmation, I made this anyway just for the money. My jacket is white, mother thought that was a great idea, where was the parental duty of care? Why it has not prevented? see in the white blazer I look like a large 1.73 Raffaello. White is not thick, and certainly not fat prepubescent teenagers with spiky hair, listen to the Exploited too much and not be aware that the punk-being starts with the hair and the phrase-mongers to stop.
is currently the secondary but I am excited and a little scared. Not because of the religious ceremony that interests me about as much as the school. The thought that I was this afternoon for the first time can get drunk on my mind. There is also a power struggle between my mother and me.
"Benji" begins, as I hate it when it does so, not bad enough that her overweight son by her first name is like the most famous German cartoon elephant and radio play, no, it must use as well as the nickname of a Disney dog. "Benji, you can not go there in sneakers, even if the simple, take Dad's patent leather shoes, is only for two hours or so." Once they tried it in love, empathetic tone, they did not know I this dispute for I'll decide and thus in the photo that arises in three hours, not only will stand out because I'm the fattest, not just because I wear a white jacket, but also because I am the only one who is not dressed in men's shoes. Instead, I'm at the left edge of the image and you can clearly see my Globes, I look like a dork.
While my father torments himself into the bathroom, because he himself is not motivated but rather to see that religious stuff, mother keeps talking to me and binds me at the same time the tie (who could not escape me, also there are ties in the age kinda cool ). Their tone is much more stringent, authority level increases to 75%.
"We have not much time, now put on your shoes on, then we must go."
"For the last time, I prefer the not, I've said all along that I will not wear patent leather shoes, you have always smiled and waved off but I was serious. I keep to the Globes. "Answer me irritable and with a lot of the time typical for me would like to rebellion in the vote.
Then comes the crucial moment, the sad and angry at the same view of my mother, authority level to maximum, I think the stand and the last call, it is indeed two weeks offended but I won.
"You draw now, Dad's shoes ..." hissed my mother and then louder continue: "... but dalli, as looks for out of otherwise, with sneakers, is surely not so bad once patent leather shoes to wear!" Not
the they had not quite right, but that is not that what played here wird ist eine Schlacht ums Älterwerden, um Prinzipien und um einfaches Anti-Sein und ich wurde auserkoren um diese Schlacht zu gewinnen, ich bin der Neo der Neunziger, Luke Skywalker hätte.. nee hätte er nicht.. aber Han Solo ! Der hätte so gehandelt wie ich..vielleicht..
Die Zeit ist auf meiner Seite. Wir kommen sowieso fast schon zu spät.
„Wie ich schon sagte: Nein, ich sehe nicht ein warum ich für die ganzen Kirchenspastis…“
„Ja, gut dann halt nicht, dann geh halt so, schön in Turnschuhen damit du aussiehst wie ein Depp, mach was du willst, man hat es ja nur gut gemeint.“ fällt mir meine Mutter ins Wort und schafft es das ich mich trotz des eben errungenen Sieges, wie ein Verlierer fühle als sie durch den Flur stapft und die Schuhe wegkickt die ich gerade noch gebeten wurde anzuziehen und im Badezimmer verschwindet.
Fortsetzung folgt…
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